Language shapes experience, so when we talk about “balancing work and family,” we send a message that reinforces perfectionism and its trusty sidekick— inadequacy. When this fantasy rules the day, shame is the inevitable consequence.
For the last two decades I’ve been living at the messy intersection of wife, primary caregiver of two kids, and career-loving psychologist. Often, I feel I’m never quite in the right place:
* When I’m immersed in family life, I am anxious about the work that’s being left incomplete and the opportunities I’m forgoing.
* When I’m immersed in my work, I feel sad and guilty about missing time with my teens and husband... also exhausted about what still needs to be done.
A family is a system that needs to navigate multiple demands which boil down to two essential elements:
* Economic— bringing financial resources into the home.
* Caregiving— translating income into goods and services... cuz you cannot eat a paycheck.
Housed within each of these elements are infinite opportunities for self-awareness. The work we do to bring money home also inspires our passions, engages us, and helps us feel like we are making a difference. The work we do to care for the little people in our homes also serves as a source of pride, a chance to decenter ourselves and tend to another, and an opportunity to learn about patience.
Approach this with a willingness to be practical, flexible, and collaborative. Whatever you figure will never be perfect. Good enough is good enough.
✨ This weekend, I had the opportunity to speak 3x: first, alongside my dear friends Mark, Vienna, and Connor at an event we titled “Create Your Best Relationship Ever.” It was electric, exciting, emotion-filled, and energizing to connect with over 80 of you looking to grow your dearest relationships. Then, I spoke about therapeutic approaches to couples and their careers at the legendary
@psychnetworker Symposium 2024! I loved every curious question, thoughtful statement, and fun selfie. ❤️ Lastly, I so enjoyed co-leading an early career meet-up with the incredible
@shadeenfrancis . Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you for listening and sharing so vulnerably. XO