2 years ago
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I get asked questions about second chances all the time. How to know when to give them? What needs to be different? Should we ever entertain them? Etc etc. I’ve always said that the prerequisite for another chance is that we (or the other person) are able to clearly articulate the growth, shifts, changes, and integration that has taken place through our/their reflection and processing. Sometimes second chances lead us to something so beautiful and expansive (in relation to the desired outcome), and sometimes they don’t. If there isn’t growth then a second chance is just a pattern. Take that in and let it rattle around a bit. Without growth we generally get the same results and the same outcomes. The same hurtful, challenging stuff in the relationship will reappear. Maybe not right away (“good behavior” FTW), but eventually it will show up. Without integrating our growth and our revelations, we tend to find ourselves stuck in a place we’ve been before. What feels important as you entertain a second chance? What are you looking for? What might block it for you? Are you open, closed, curious? #mindfulmft
How do you ensure or evaluate that the person will grow if you are making the decision to offer a second chance in advance?
1 year ago