1 year ago
91.3k
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And of course the other way around. Do not underestimate the importance of understanding the richness and complexity of your partner’s past and childhood. The way their family operated carries a lot of weight. The way they communicated and fought matters. The beliefs they held about people and the world matters. The things they prioritized matters. If you’re trying to solve things in your relationship and you’re not exploring yours and their family systems and origin stories then you are undoubtedly operating with a set of cards that’s missing pretty much every card. What more can you learn about their story? What more can you learn about what it was like growing up? What more can you learn about how their family did things, what they believed, how they treated one another, and beyond. Might that begin to help you understand what plays out between the two of you now? Might that begin to point you, relationally, in the direction that needs attention and healing. #mindfulmft
I know his origin story of loss, I've tried discussing, ignoring but kept getting stonewalled every time I see my girlfriends whether in a home or a restaurant. He'd try to control who I saw and when. After a week of the silent treatment this last time I decided to pack it in.. it's not mine to fix or change. I feel bad for leaving the relationship, but is there not some responsibility for him to figure this out. I'm 63.. too old to have someone tell me who I can see and how. and punished when he's not happy. He lost his parents at a young age so I get it, but I can't have stonewalling and cruelty in my life.
1 year ago
This!
1 year ago